you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
