Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
