We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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