They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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