Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
