He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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