So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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