I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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