kristin has been a bad kristin
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
