Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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