Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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