sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
