That's intense
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
