i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
