I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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