D3 body, D1 cock
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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