He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
