Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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