I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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