Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
