yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
