Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize