I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
