No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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