Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
