i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
