i wish my penis had a tongue
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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