when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
