Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
