so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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