just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
