It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
