They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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