Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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