Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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