Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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