tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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