Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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