I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize