I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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