Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
