so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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