Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
