Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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