So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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