I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB