My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday