ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..