theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind