The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dating After Heartbreak
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going