Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
