If you die in college, do you die in real life?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.