Ambien. No doubt about it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
