your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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