my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
