my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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