no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
