ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
