So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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