and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
try to milk me bitch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
