I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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