he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
