Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
