I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
