I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
