I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You are a genius and a whore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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