seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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