I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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